11:19pm.  I should have been asleep by now.  Instead my mind raced.  The random songs, the conversations, the grief.  Then there is the stomach pain.  I left work early, even though I got to work late.  I was sick to my stomach last night, and this morning.  Nausea, vomiting…why?  I feel like I’m having a night terror again…feeling out of body.  I need to go lay down.  I need to sleep.  I need to let my mind go.  This headache, I want to rip my head off and replace it.  I’m scared to express my emotions and feelings to anyone because I dont want them to freak out…or try and lock me up.  Maybe I should be locked up?  I’m not motivated anymore.  HA!  I just heard on TV “A cure for depression”.  The guy was paddle boarding with his dog.  The only cure I know happens to be the one that makes me stop breathing.  I’m tired….but afraid to close my eyes to see the visions again.