11:19pm. I should have been asleep by now. Instead my mind raced. The random songs, the conversations, the grief. Then there is the stomach pain. I left work early, even though I got to work late. I was sick to my stomach last night, and this morning. Nausea, vomiting…why? I feel like I’m having a night terror again…feeling out of body. I need to go lay down. I need to sleep. I need to let my mind go. This headache, I want to rip my head off and replace it. I’m scared to express my emotions and feelings to anyone because I dont want them to freak out…or try and lock me up. Maybe I should be locked up? I’m not motivated anymore. HA! I just heard on TV “A cure for depression”. The guy was paddle boarding with his dog. The only cure I know happens to be the one that makes me stop breathing. I’m tired….but afraid to close my eyes to see the visions again.