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Thoughts from the depressed

Surviving with mental health issues

Strangers

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So many strangers walk by

So many times I want to cry

Wont you talk to me?

Do I not look normal?

I’m not scary, am I?

Empty faces walking to empty places

I sit quietly watching strangers

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Closing my eyes

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I’m tired.

I want to close my eyes, but this time forever.

It’s time to say goodbye to the pain, the ups and downs, the medicine, the mood swings.

This hurt should be left behind.

This hurt I wish I could rewind.

Soon it will all be black.

I’ve closed my eyes…this time

forever.

Comfort

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I wake, 1:30 a.m…

The random song, the conversation, the fight, the dog, work, life…it wont stop

2:30 a.m…it wont shut off.

I toss, I turn. ¬†Inhale…Exhale…

Count sheep…pray…try to stay awake…medicine

Nothing works…

Open the crate, she’s my savior.

The warmth of her chest against mine instantly calms me down

On the bed, she presses against me like we are litter mates.

The lick of the face

5:30 a.m….finally

Battlefield

Dead Soldiers from Battle of Antietam

MY MIND

IS 

A

BATTLEFIELD

MY EYES ARE AT WAR

MY HEART IS A P.O.W.

The chase

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Is my darkness here to stay?

Will my darkness ever go away?

I wake each day hoping, praying for light

The light is there.

I run toward it and can never get closer

I run, I’m exhausted, my legs burn…my chest burns…

I destroy all of me and all of everyone around me to get to the light

I cannot get there

I wont get there

I am bound to a darkness that makes me numb

I am bound to a mind that is decaying with each passing moment.

The heart beats

The chest rises and falls

Soon…it will all be gone.

The Clock

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Tick Tock…Tick Tock

The words dont stop screaming through my head

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

The only way to make me dead is to stop the words in my head

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

The sadness rips through me like a hot knife

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

The only way to stop the sadness is to say goodbye to this life

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

I want to bash my head into a rock

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

Put on your death smock

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

The time is now to take my final bow

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

No more sorrow or sad…Just a feeling that makes me feel Oh So Glad.

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

The blood continues to pool down

Tick Tock…Tick Tock

Soon I will not frown

Tick Tock…Tick

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DARKNESS

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I KNOW

MY DARKNESS WILL NEVER GO AWAY

Alone

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I sit alone in the corner of a crowded bar.

The lovers

The married

The first dates

I sit with envy wishing one was me.

She pours me another drink, numb the pain, numb the thoughts, numb the memories of the love and loves lost

I take to the night a hopeless soul

As I pass a young couple suddenly I am the abandoned sight.

For there is no connection in my mind or eyes, a blank stare from a person who once was.

I sit alone in the corner of an empty room

The frightened

The weak

The abandoned

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